Feeling tense

No clue what is going on, but I feel like I'm on pins and needles. And the sucky thing is that it seems like every time I start to relax, something jarring pops up. Example: yesterday was just plain beautiful outside. So I decided to pop on my swim suit and go lay out by the complex's pool. I was there a solid hour and was all relaxed (I'm a Leo, the sun makes me naturally happy) I walk back inside my apartment and gasp. Pure panic.

Bits of Dove Promises' wrappers all over the floor. My 15-lb dog managed to pull a Target bag off the coffee table and destroy the bag. Dog owners know that chocolate is pure death for a dog, so I called the vet immediately. They gave me two options - bring him to the after hours emergency clinic ($125) or call ASPCA's Animal Poison Control Hotline ($65). Ok, despite my panic, did anyone else realize there was poison control for pets?! I was oddly impressed. I decided to go that route. Called the 800 number and within minutes was talking to a representative telling the story. Seeing as how my pup destroyed the ENTIRE bag, they determined that yes, that is a deadly dose. The vet advised me to give him 1 tbs of hydrogen peroxide, walk him around for 15 minutes and induce vomiting. If after that 15 minutes nothing happened, I was to give him another 1 tbs.

Have you ever had to force feed a dog? Not just force feed, but force feed a liquid?! Oh the horror. I even had a kids medicine syringe, but my pup has an amazing gag reflex and was coughing it up immediately. Finally I had to straddle my dog, pop his head back and basically choke him with the peroxide. But it went down. The true horror began.

Anyone who tells me that I am not prepared for a baby, clearly has never seen me handle projectile milk chocolate dog vomit. It did not stop. So for an hour I dealt with inducing sickness in my dog. After it was over with, the representative called me back to check to see how he was doing. I felt that he had "expelled" enough material that she advised giving him water and a handful of kibble to see if he could keep it down. He did. I was to monitor his activity level and if he became lethargic or stopped eating, I was to take him to the vet.

He's been fine ever since.

Jeeeeeeeez-us! Whatever relaxation vibe I had was dead.

If that's a relationship, then I'm ok without one

I've been having a great little week. My budgeting has been AWESOME, even with a surprise decision to go to the NCAA Championship this week (I have an undying love of basketball); I've maintained my budgets and have a nice little savings started.

Then I get an email on Wednesday. From my best guy friends fiancee. She's not in love with him anymore and wants to break the engagement. AND SHE HASN"T TOLD HIM YET. *Hits brakes hard* Why the hell is she contacting me first?! What am I supposed to do with this information?! Holy hell, what is going on?!

Apparently she felt the need to contact me because she 'wants to make sure he's ok afterwards'. She feels he's too possessive of her and that it could at some point border on violence. I was clear to say I had never seen a possessive bone in his body, but at the same time I have NO CLUE what goes on "behind closed doors", ya know? I did ask if he had ever hit her - because regardless of being a bestie and someone I've known since I was 11 years old (will be 30 this year) - but hitting a woman is NOT acceptable. Thank Jesus, she admitted that there has never been an incident.

Um...now I can handle breakups, but ENDING AN ENGAGEMENT is new territory for me. Recovery for men is different for women, all I can think is that it involves alcohol and strip clubs for men. I'm not sure that I can honestly prepare myself to help him with that.

So I ended up having a mini-friend crisis break by spending that evening at a local sushi place. I was ok with ordering whatever I wanted and threw in  2 martinis for good measure. Total bill ended up only being $30 which was truly amusing to me as the martinis were $9 a piece, so clearly I didn't go as insane as I thought with food.

Basically I'm just in a holding pattern with this info. The fiancee admitted she was lost and so confused, so I'm hoping this is just cold feet, but I guess we shall see.

Jesus, if this shit happens with relationships, I'm fine without one.

Budgeting B!tch

"Wow, I love how you're taking this so seriously" ~My friend Christina

It's ironic that I choose to go on a budget 2 months before I leave on a cruise. My mother (who I get my spending issues from, totally) thinks it's great that I'm putting myself on a budget, but the moment I told her I couldn't go shopping this past weekend because of my budget she wasn't so thrilled. In fact, she ended up calling my father, telling him what I'm doing and then he called me to say that he'd pay for anything I bought because I "needed good cruise clothes". *Sigh* Yes, I'm truly thankful to have parents who can do this for me, but I don't think they understand that the giving nature is what got me into the "Who needs a budget?" mindset. But I digress.

I bought a Suze Orman book (Women and Money, on clearance for $1.99 at Half Price Books) and the following:

Bitches on Budget by Rosalyn Hoffman. Seriously BEST BOOK EVER!! Just snarky enough to capture my attention while still acknowledging that budgeting is necessary.

Being a “bitch” means having fun, knowing what you want, not settling for second best. It means being savvy. Smart. In control. In other words it’s a way of living—NOT a way of treating others. Be a bitch without being bitchy. Be generous and share your money-saving tips with the rest of us. Pretty please? We’re in it together, after all

It's definitely not Dave Ramsey "Stop Spending ANYTHING"; it is more realistic for what I'm looking for. For instance, stop spending money on low quality pants (Hello, JCPenney Worthington Pants with zippers that always fall apart, I'm looking at you) because they are inexpensive. Rather pay for the quality pant that will last longer than 3 pairs of the cheaper pant. That makes sense on numerous levels. Because of some of the tips in the book, I've already thinned out some of my clothing and donated them to Goodwill. I'm going to take some of my suits to a consignment shop later this weekend.

I've also downloaded the Easy Envelope Budgeting Aid (EBBA) app for my Droid which is CRAZY helpful. If I'm spending something, I just pull that bad boy up and can see exactly how much I have left for the week (well, bi-weekly since that is how I set it up). The only negative is that one envelope I have is showing I've got a negative balance....when I don't. I'm confused what I did there.

Anywho, I'm trying and interested in seeing how this goes :-)

Son of a....

So apparently I'm out of the Diva Dash :-(

I've been doing my training and noticing that my feet were going numb. At first I just assumed it was because I was increasing my running activity. But then the numbness grew. Now I wake up every morning with numb toes that I can feel all the way up to my knee. So I got scared and called a doc. Apparently, I have neuroma's (2) in my right foot. I've been strictly instructed to not run.

Doc did recommend bicycles and swimming. Either option I can do in my area, but I'm having trouble finding a cycling group to ride with. Houston is scary for cyclist. I do own 2 bikes (mountain and a road) but given all of  the traffic....I just don't know that I can imagine cruising around the Galleria on my OCR.....

In other news, I've managed to lose 4 pounds in the past 2 weeks :-)

Financial Peace

The season of Lent is upon us and my little Catholic self has gone into a bit of overdrive and reflection. For 40 days and 40 nights, I have elected to give up fast food. This brought about a series of questions from friends who thought that was too severe of a restriction, but really people?! I believe Jesus died for us, I can do without a Whataburger (#7, no onions but with jalapenos) for a few weeks.

Anywhosits, as I was filing my taxes last night, I realized just how much money I made last year.....for a single woman with one small dog.....I should have craploads saved. And yet I don't. So this morning, despite some hyperventilation on my part, I tried to layout a budget. Honestly, I've lived on my own since I was 17, but never really had to budget before. I was on scholarships and parents dime(#fistbump to my pops for that debit card) in college. After college, the salaries that I've made have always been 'tight' but if I wanted to go do something I could. Every company I've worked for, thankfully, had 401k or 403b options so having a retirement has always been established and transferred as I switched companies. But actual savings for 'emergency situations' not so much.

And this is going to make me sound like the most un-American girl in the world, but owning a home has never really been a dream of mine. OR rather, it's something I always assumed would happen when I married someone. I never wanted to own my own piece of property...I never saw the point.

But when I saw my gross salary and all that last night. I got scared a little bit. I don't make millions, but I do make enough that there should be something left over at the end of the month to tuck away. But there isn't. So I logged onto my bank and reviewed their "Personal Spending Report" feature that I always ignore. I nearly choked on my Mr. Pibb when I realized how much I'm spending on "Restaurants" and "Retail". NOT ACCEPTABLE!! So.....I'm attempting to create a budget to get me on track. Will report back later with my outline!

Legs O'Fire

So let's explain how I ended up signing up for the Diva Dash ... and the subsequent Fleet Feet "No Boundaries" 5K running clinic:

Like every woman on earth that doesn't live in freaking California, I have some weight to lose. I'm greatful to genetics and God that I carry my weight well, HE gave me curves and I've actually had arguments with sales clerks when I go in to try on a pair of size 14 jeans. Apparently I look like a 6/8 *fistbump to Jesus*

Anywhosits, I'm staring down the barrel of age 30, and even though I'm so totally geeked out about joining the "Dirty 30" club, I also have noticed my body is changing just enough that I'm none to happy with it. Lo and behold, the same darn week I'm thinking about this, Shape magazine (via Facebook) announces the Diva Dash in Austin, TX in April. That's a 5k plus obstacle course every 1/2 mile, only a quick little 2.5 hour drive from me. I send the link out to a couple of my coworkers....they forward it on to other friends.....and the next thing I know, we have 12 women who want to do this together. Ah-freaking-MAZING!!! So we signed up.

I don't run. Like, seriously. Ever. Point of pride: I actively sat out of running the mile in High School. EVERY WEDNESDAY! I hated running....well, I didn't hate running, as much as I hated the gym teacher who would tell me that I wasn't running fast enough. And my town was so small that we had the same damn teacher every year. So one day, I just 'forgot' my gym clothes and willingly took the D for the day....and ketpt the streak going once I realized the teacher got pissed off about it. Gym teacher actually called my parents, who thank God, told her that I was an honor roll student and if the worst you can say about me is that I wasn't dressing out 1 day a week, it wasn't the end of the world.

So what the hell posessed me to run this bad boy? I have no clue, I need a change. I WANT TO DO THIS. So I started researching. Stumbled across a beginners running clinic that starts on Thursday. I hemmed, hawed, and whined to everyone who would listen. And do you know what all of them said?? "What's the worse that could happen?" "If you do the Dash, you need to train. This is perfect." and so, I signed up for that too. I asked others if they wanted to join me and all looked at me like I lost my mind. Except for one, my friend S, who is a freaking size 0, but I love her anyway (and she's a dietitian, so being a size 0 kinda makes sense).

To get a jump, I agreed to go walk around Memorial Park, the loop at Memorial is just over 3 miles, so perfect for me to see how I do. I walked the loop in just under an hour..and truthfully we talked for a bit instead of straight concentration on walking, so I know that worse comes to worse, I'll walk the damn Dash in an hour ;-)

I've lost my mind

And signed up for


Lord help me!

Nip this in the bud!

The Scene: Continental Club, Rockabilly Saturday Night
The Peeps: Childhood friend A(female), coworkers and various other friends milling about
The Deal: A is getting ready to move to the Big D at the end of the month, so we are trying to get together more before she leaves, cause let's be honest, I'm a H-town girl....I don't like the uber rich snobby atmosphere that the Bid D is known for. So a few weeks back at a happy hour, a coworker mentioned spending a Saturday night at the club. Others followed suit and we planned to make a night of it. I asked A if she was down and she was excited (because really, if you offer her cheap Cape Cods, she'll go anywhere).

We pull up to the club, I've dolled up my look to be pseudo-Rockabilly (pink flower in my hair, black jeans, pink and black gingham top cinched at the waist), just enough to show I get the vibe, but clear enough that I'm not 100% part of the sub culture. We stroll in and start to people watch - a fave past time of mine.

About an hour in (and just into my second rum and coke), coworker D rolls in. He's going through a potential divorce and has been hitting the club scene a lot lately. I have gotten some odd vibes from him (calls and texts just to see what I was doing and if I wanted to go out for drinks....NO, I don't. Not my type and I refuse to deal with messy marriage situations, I'm a classy, repectable Texas lady!) but have always stuck to group social events so as to hopefully show a clear "you are only a friend" message.

As I set down my empty glass, A gives me a nudge and looks questioningly at D (she likes to live vicariously through my single-dom),  but I shook my head to indicate my lack of interest. Next thing I know I've got another rum and coke being served to me....one I didn't order. That's when A again pointed at D, I look at him and he leans in and says "Their all on me tonight"...o_0

At that point, I realize I need to scale back any interaction, so A and I start talking loudly about who we find attractive in the club and what "our" types of guys are. After I neared finishing that 3rd drink, I signaled to the waitress "No More", she nodded. Yet somehow, D kept showing up with drinks for me. A was the desi. driver that night so there were no worries of me being a threat to society....but I was posed with a very interesting debate...continue to drink beverages being offered to me by someone I'm not interested in, but see everyday at work? Or deny them and potentially cause bad blood? SMH, this is why people don't interact with coworkers, clearly.

The evening ended with A and I putting in a hasty retreat once D asked me to dance....not happening. On the way home, she mentioned that she was shocked how into me he was, and how I seemed to be giving all of the 'no, not interested' signals I could....hmmph.

This week, I've avoided conversating with D, but he did venture in my office this morning with my favorite candy....crap.

Back to the beginning

To understand where I'm at now, you have to understand where I came from.

I'm small town, y'all. :-p Grew up in a teeny tiny Texas town, where you were considered succesful if you made it through high school without getting knocked up. You are polite as sin and never let the people outside of you house know the drama that may be going on inside. You are cookie cutter.

But I had great parents. Parents who always encouraged me to be me and to accomplish whatever goals I wanted. I was lucky in that I was smart. Going to college was always my goal. In my adolescent brain it was "Don't get pregnant, go to college, get a good job, find love along the way". College and being successful were always the goal. I'm honestly not sure if this was put into my brain by my parents (both whom only have their hs diplomas) or if there was just this natural propensity for me to want to aim for independence. Ask my mother, she'll say I was always like this. Once I learned to speak, she claims I was always saying "No, I'll do it myself".

Ask friends from this time period and they'll tell you I was a sweetheart who didn't let people mistreat others. I had this wierd need for fairness and equality. I've always been a helper, a counselor, the person you go to in times of crisis. It's how I  ended up with my first boyfriend at the age of 16, who happened to be physically abused by his step-father.That was the relationship that I was in for 7 years off and on. He (henceforth known as Javelina) was my first everything, is now a great guy, but someone who has his own issues as a survivor of that abuse. Now that I look back at it, we were just happy enough and lazy enough that there was someone there, that we never stopped to examine if we actually loved each other in that way.

But I did manage to get my degree. And I started my career path. I was SO focused on that aspect of my life, I think I just expected someone to come along and sweep me off my feet and away from the sweet but damaged man I was with. That didn't happen. Instead, my career grew and Javelina and I became further and further disconnected. Our ending wasn't tragic, there was some anger on both parts but to this day we still check in with a "Hello", we realize we were part of what formed us into the people we are today.

That relationship ended 4 years ago. I've dated regularly, but have only had 1 major relationship sinceand one 'pseudo-relationship' that ended recently that I'm still processing. That is the relationship that I think taught me the most about myself and what I'm willing to live with and what I truly want from a man. I know I want a functioning adult relationship, not a casual fling or a random jump-off. I want an equal and someone who considers me a priority in his life.

At times I can't tell if I've become too 'set in my ways' to be open to love or if I'm just being realistic....I guess we shall see.

My little anonymous spot of web

This shall be my little spot of the web to work through whatever issues I may be going through.

Current Issues that will be brought up at some point:
Being single at 30
Trying to live healthy
Family issues - hello, I'm a half Mexican, half Czech chick, all sorts of drama can ensue ;-)

General life issues as the relate to me.