The Scene: Continental Club, Rockabilly Saturday Night
The Peeps: Childhood friend A(female), coworkers and various other friends milling about
The Deal: A is getting ready to move to the Big D at the end of the month, so we are trying to get together more before she leaves, cause let's be honest, I'm a H-town girl....I don't like the uber rich snobby atmosphere that the Bid D is known for. So a few weeks back at a happy hour, a coworker mentioned spending a Saturday night at the club. Others followed suit and we planned to make a night of it. I asked A if she was down and she was excited (because really, if you offer her cheap Cape Cods, she'll go anywhere).
We pull up to the club, I've dolled up my look to be pseudo-Rockabilly (pink flower in my hair, black jeans, pink and black gingham top cinched at the waist), just enough to show I get the vibe, but clear enough that I'm not 100% part of the sub culture. We stroll in and start to people watch - a fave past time of mine.
About an hour in (and just into my second rum and coke), coworker D rolls in. He's going through a potential divorce and has been hitting the club scene a lot lately. I have gotten some odd vibes from him (calls and texts just to see what I was doing and if I wanted to go out for drinks....NO, I don't. Not my type and I refuse to deal with messy marriage situations, I'm a classy, repectable Texas lady!) but have always stuck to group social events so as to hopefully show a clear "you are only a friend" message.
As I set down my empty glass, A gives me a nudge and looks questioningly at D (she likes to live vicariously through my single-dom), but I shook my head to indicate my lack of interest. Next thing I know I've got another rum and coke being served to me....one I didn't order. That's when A again pointed at D, I look at him and he leans in and says "Their all on me tonight"...o_0
At that point, I realize I need to scale back any interaction, so A and I start talking loudly about who we find attractive in the club and what "our" types of guys are. After I neared finishing that 3rd drink, I signaled to the waitress "No More", she nodded. Yet somehow, D kept showing up with drinks for me. A was the desi. driver that night so there were no worries of me being a threat to society....but I was posed with a very interesting debate...continue to drink beverages being offered to me by someone I'm not interested in, but see everyday at work? Or deny them and potentially cause bad blood? SMH, this is why people don't interact with coworkers, clearly.
The evening ended with A and I putting in a hasty retreat once D asked me to dance....not happening. On the way home, she mentioned that she was shocked how into me he was, and how I seemed to be giving all of the 'no, not interested' signals I could....hmmph.
This week, I've avoided conversating with D, but he did venture in my office this morning with my favorite candy....crap.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Back to the beginning
To understand where I'm at now, you have to understand where I came from.
I'm small town, y'all. :-p Grew up in a teeny tiny Texas town, where you were considered succesful if you made it through high school without getting knocked up. You are polite as sin and never let the people outside of you house know the drama that may be going on inside. You are cookie cutter.
But I had great parents. Parents who always encouraged me to be me and to accomplish whatever goals I wanted. I was lucky in that I was smart. Going to college was always my goal. In my adolescent brain it was "Don't get pregnant, go to college, get a good job, find love along the way". College and being successful were always the goal. I'm honestly not sure if this was put into my brain by my parents (both whom only have their hs diplomas) or if there was just this natural propensity for me to want to aim for independence. Ask my mother, she'll say I was always like this. Once I learned to speak, she claims I was always saying "No, I'll do it myself".
Ask friends from this time period and they'll tell you I was a sweetheart who didn't let people mistreat others. I had this wierd need for fairness and equality. I've always been a helper, a counselor, the person you go to in times of crisis. It's how I ended up with my first boyfriend at the age of 16, who happened to be physically abused by his step-father.That was the relationship that I was in for 7 years off and on. He (henceforth known as Javelina) was my first everything, is now a great guy, but someone who has his own issues as a survivor of that abuse. Now that I look back at it, we were just happy enough and lazy enough that there was someone there, that we never stopped to examine if we actually loved each other in that way.
But I did manage to get my degree. And I started my career path. I was SO focused on that aspect of my life, I think I just expected someone to come along and sweep me off my feet and away from the sweet but damaged man I was with. That didn't happen. Instead, my career grew and Javelina and I became further and further disconnected. Our ending wasn't tragic, there was some anger on both parts but to this day we still check in with a "Hello", we realize we were part of what formed us into the people we are today.
That relationship ended 4 years ago. I've dated regularly, but have only had 1 major relationship sinceand one 'pseudo-relationship' that ended recently that I'm still processing. That is the relationship that I think taught me the most about myself and what I'm willing to live with and what I truly want from a man. I know I want a functioning adult relationship, not a casual fling or a random jump-off. I want an equal and someone who considers me a priority in his life.
At times I can't tell if I've become too 'set in my ways' to be open to love or if I'm just being realistic....I guess we shall see.
I'm small town, y'all. :-p Grew up in a teeny tiny Texas town, where you were considered succesful if you made it through high school without getting knocked up. You are polite as sin and never let the people outside of you house know the drama that may be going on inside. You are cookie cutter.
But I had great parents. Parents who always encouraged me to be me and to accomplish whatever goals I wanted. I was lucky in that I was smart. Going to college was always my goal. In my adolescent brain it was "Don't get pregnant, go to college, get a good job, find love along the way". College and being successful were always the goal. I'm honestly not sure if this was put into my brain by my parents (both whom only have their hs diplomas) or if there was just this natural propensity for me to want to aim for independence. Ask my mother, she'll say I was always like this. Once I learned to speak, she claims I was always saying "No, I'll do it myself".
Ask friends from this time period and they'll tell you I was a sweetheart who didn't let people mistreat others. I had this wierd need for fairness and equality. I've always been a helper, a counselor, the person you go to in times of crisis. It's how I ended up with my first boyfriend at the age of 16, who happened to be physically abused by his step-father.That was the relationship that I was in for 7 years off and on. He (henceforth known as Javelina) was my first everything, is now a great guy, but someone who has his own issues as a survivor of that abuse. Now that I look back at it, we were just happy enough and lazy enough that there was someone there, that we never stopped to examine if we actually loved each other in that way.
But I did manage to get my degree. And I started my career path. I was SO focused on that aspect of my life, I think I just expected someone to come along and sweep me off my feet and away from the sweet but damaged man I was with. That didn't happen. Instead, my career grew and Javelina and I became further and further disconnected. Our ending wasn't tragic, there was some anger on both parts but to this day we still check in with a "Hello", we realize we were part of what formed us into the people we are today.
That relationship ended 4 years ago. I've dated regularly, but have only had 1 major relationship sinceand one 'pseudo-relationship' that ended recently that I'm still processing. That is the relationship that I think taught me the most about myself and what I'm willing to live with and what I truly want from a man. I know I want a functioning adult relationship, not a casual fling or a random jump-off. I want an equal and someone who considers me a priority in his life.
At times I can't tell if I've become too 'set in my ways' to be open to love or if I'm just being realistic....I guess we shall see.
My little anonymous spot of web
This shall be my little spot of the web to work through whatever issues I may be going through.
Current Issues that will be brought up at some point:
Being single at 30
Trying to live healthy
Family issues - hello, I'm a half Mexican, half Czech chick, all sorts of drama can ensue ;-)
General life issues as the relate to me.
Current Issues that will be brought up at some point:
Being single at 30
Trying to live healthy
Family issues - hello, I'm a half Mexican, half Czech chick, all sorts of drama can ensue ;-)
General life issues as the relate to me.
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